Secrets

“I am too independent, to be dependant on you” , she said and hung up. She didn’t know what else to say that could convince him. 

She prayed that she won’t be as weak anymore. She wiped that tear, and went back to her patient. She assured herself that she could handle it.

She was a part of a consistently increasing progressive society, dealing with constant judgement and incredible pressure. Her patients admired her for being brave, honest, unapologetically temperamental, and a sensational version of herself.

She was indecisive, yet she embraces the stereotypes the society tries to shame her with. If there is one thing she’s learnt in her career so far, is that she had the incredible power to solve her patients problems, if not her own. She could genuinely help them out, without feeling the need to beat the drums about it. Patients in a state of catharsis felt comfortable around her. They monumentally trusted the woman.

One thing is certain. Whatever it is that we’re trying to hide, we’re too scared of that moment when the truth is naked. Every glance of her son, reminded her of his father. She didn’t miss him. She didn’t need him. She never felt the need of someone else to fill in that void. Despite the existence of that undeniable void, she never gave up her ambitions for the seemingly universal opinion that most people hold, that women existed for the sole purpose of child-bearing. 

 She couldn’t assure herself enough that she was more than the vessel that carries life, that she’s are stronger than the swollen folds and scars that graced her stomach when she birthed a baby.  Until today. After she put the receiver back, that one phone call, made her world flip a 360 degree.

That’s the problem with secrets, like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything. Until you don’t have room for anything else.

She was zoned into a whirlwind of thoughts and memories. She paid no attention to what her patient said today. It was her turn. Her turn to be heard. To be understood.

He was back, and she didn’t know what she was going to do. He wanted to meet his son, and she felt she was going to burst with all the secrets she had kept from him.

The thing people forget, is how good it can feel if you set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at last they’re out in the open. Like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don’t have to hide them anymore.

The problem with secrets is, even when you think you’re in control, you’re not.

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