I thought if I never said “goodbye” out loud when you left, it would never be true and you’ll never really leave me.
I thought if I never hung up the phone first, it won’t ever be our last call.
I thought if I’ll always have something of you with me, I’d never really lose you.
How foolish of me to think that I could keep people to me like that.
How absolutely absurd it is to want to keep someone who just doesn’t stop hurting you.
“I’m a stupid bitch”, he used to ask me to say out loud. He wanted me to make a public announcement that I am in fact a ‘stupid bitch’.
Like a fool, I sat on a footpath and I cried my eyes out until I couldn’t breathe.
I said “sorry” instead.
Things have changed a little.
I’m a stupid bitch for wanting you to be in my life and stay. For not being able to imagine a life without you.
I’m a stupid bitch for wanting the best for you while you cut me open, dissect me and extract all of me out.
I’m a stupid bitch for fighting the world for you, you, the motherfucker who now fights me.
I’m a stupid bitch for teaching you how to use a gun to a knife fight and watch you use those same tactics on me.
I’m a stupid bitch for wasting my time apologizing to you when I really should have just used it to get rid of you.
But you forgot something, baby.
Never underestimate your master, they say.
I’m a stupid bitch for teaching you all you know, but you can never know it all.
I’m a stupid bitch for showing you how life is to be dealt with, but you couldn’t have seen it all.
So I say “goodbye” out loud, not once, but several times, every single day with no hopes of making anyone who doesn’t stay, stay.
This stupid bitch hangs up the phone the second a jerk face even thinks that he can own her.
This stupid bitch blocks and removes them all who even for a second disrespect her integrity.
This stupid bitch is not stupid anymore and won’t ever stop being a bitch.